36个能引发亲密关系的问题

引言

心理学家阿瑟·阿伦(Arthur Aron)曾做过一个实验:让两个陌生人轮流回答36个问题,回答完后互相凝视4分钟。据说,在完成这个实验后,2个陌生人可以迅速相爱。

这个理论的核心是:深度了解能促进亲密感。双方经过真诚的倾诉后,分享的心理会把彼此带入一个相互信任、找寻共鸣的状态。

这种情况下再进行能造成生理激发(Arousal)的对视,那么就极易发生想去爱的冲动。不得不承认,很多关系之所以无法善始善终,就是因为始终缺少深度的沟通与了解,永远只浮于表面。

36个问题

  1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest?
    在这个世界上,如果你可以随便选一个人跟你一起共进晚餐,你会选谁?

  2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
    你想过出名吗?通过啥方式?

  3. Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?
    在打电话前,你一般会练习怎么去表达吗?为啥?

  4. What would constitute a perfect day for you?
    你觉得在你心里,完美的一天是怎样的?

  5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
    你上次一个人唱歌是什么时候?那对着其他人唱歌呢?

  6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?
    假设你可以活到 90 岁,那么在 30 岁之后,你更倾向于保持身体的年轻,还是思想的年轻,来度过余下的60年?

  7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
    你对你以后将怎样死去,有没有预感?

  8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
    说三个我们的共同点。

  9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
    你这辈子最感激的是谁,或者什么事?

  10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
    如果你能改变你过去的经历,你想改变哪件事?

  11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
    用四分钟,尽可能详细地讲讲你从小到大的经历。

  12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?
    如果明天醒来你能获得一种新的才能,你希望是什么?

  13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
    如果水晶球能告诉你关于你自己、你的生活、未来或其他任何事情的真相,你最希望知道的是什么?

  14. Is there something that you’ve dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
    有没有你长时间以来梦寐以求的事情?为什么你没有去实现?

  15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
    你觉得自己最成功的是什么?

  16. What do you value most in a friendship?
    你觉得友谊最珍贵的地方是什么?

  17. What is your most treasured memory?
    你最宝贵的记忆是什么?

  18. What is your most terrible memory?
    你最可怕的记忆是什么?

  19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
    假设一年后你会突然去世,那么你会改变现在的生活方式吗?为什么?

  20. What does friendship mean to you?
    友谊对你来说意味着什么?

  21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
    爱情和喜欢,在你生活中大概是什么样的角色?

  22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
    说出5个关于我的好的特质。我也说5个关于你的。

  23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
    你家里人之间亲密吗?你是不是觉得你的童年比其他大多数人更幸福?

  24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
    你觉得你和你妈妈的关系怎么样?

  25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “we are both in this room feeling…”
    各自做三个围绕“我们”的事实陈述。例如,“我们在深夜一起聊天”…

  26. Complete this sentence “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
    给你一句句子,你把它补全:“我希望能有人和我一起分享……”

  27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
    如果你要和我成为亲密的朋友,对你来说,最需要知道关于我的事情是什么?

  28. Tell your partner what you like about them. Be honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
    告诉我你喜欢我的什么;这次要非常地诚实哦。

  29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
    和我分享一件生活中令你尴尬的事情,可以是最近的事情。

  30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
    你上次在别人面前哭是什么事情?那独自流泪又是什么时候呢?

  31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
    告诉我,我有哪些地方已经让你开始喜欢上了。

  32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
    对你来说,有没有一些事情是严肃到不能开玩笑的?

  33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
    假设你今晚就要死了,而你也再没有机会和其他人交流,那么你最后悔没有告诉别人的是什么事?为什么还没有告诉他们?

  34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
    你的房子着火了,你的所有东西都在里面。在救出了你的亲人和宠物之后,你有时间能够最后一次冲进去安全地救出最后一样物品,那将会是什么?为什么?

  35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
    在你的所有家人中,谁的离去会是最令你痛苦的?为什么?

  36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
    说一个你自己私人遇到的困扰,你说完我也说我的,然后我们互相给对方想办法。

扩展问题

当然,如果时间允许,还可以询问和回答下面一些扩展问题:

  • If you could choose the sex and physical appearance of your soon-to-be-born child, would you do it?
    如果你可以选择即将出生的孩子的性别和外貌,您会选择吗?

  • Would you be willing to have horrible nightmares for a year if you would be rewarded with extraordinary wealth?
    如果你能得到非凡的财富,你愿意做可怕的噩梦一年吗?

  • While on a trip to another city, your spouse/lover meets and spends a night with an exciting stranger. Given that they will never meet again, and could never otherwise learn of the incident, would you want your partner to tell you about it?
    在去另一个城市旅行时,你的配偶/情人遇到了一个令人兴奋的陌生人并与之共度一夜。考虑到他们再也不会见面,也永远不会知道这件事,你想让你的伴侣告诉你吗?

References